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Quotes About Humor

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was handsome I would have exactly one dollar...Thanks mom!!!!
~ Kevin McCarty
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
~ Unknown
Are you crying? No, I'm impersonating a fountain.
~ Ritu Ghatourey
Don't hate me because I'm handsome, hate me because your girlfriend thinks I am.
~ Unknown
Today I sent out a text saying, 'Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?' 12 people called me...I need smarter friends.
~ Ritu Ghatourey
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
~ Unknown
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30.
~ Unknown
The awkward moment when you're pretending you're talking to someone on the phone and then it rings.
~ Unknown
I'm not single, I'm just wait for my girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek.
~ Tim Walters
A girl called me once and said come over, nobody is home! I went there and she was right, nobody was home
~ Unknown
TEACHER: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have?...STUDENT: A Fight.
~ Unknown
As a joke, I would love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell Got it! and then run away.
~ Unknown
Boy: Why can't tampons talk? Girl: Because they're stuck up bi...es.
~ Unknown
I have everything I had twenty years ago, only its all a little bit lower.
~ Unknown
Don`t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
~ Unknown
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!
~ Unknown
Teacher: Get out a sheet of paper Student: LOOK AT ME NOW! Teacher: Excuse me? Student: I'm GETTING PAPER
~ Unknown
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
~ Jim Carrey
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep. Nine if you're ugly.
~ Betty White
Hi, I'm a shower. If you turn me on, I'll make you wet.
~ Unknown
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried...but they wanted cash.
~ Unknown
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
~ Bob Monkhouse
If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd sh.. on.
~ Unknown
A police officer asked me where I was between 4 and 5? I said kindergarten.
~ Unknown