Quotes About Humor

Someone once said "The only thing that will be left after a nuclear holocaust is Cher and cockroaches." I think that's funny, because, you know, I am a survivor. If I am anything, that's what I am.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.

Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable.

Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book.

We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross.

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

You know what's funny to me? You know what's really funny to me? The fact that you've been calling Lita the walking kiss of death, but tonight.. the walking KOD beat the walking STD.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

The difficulty about all this dying, is that you can't tell a fellow anything about it, so where does the fun come in?

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

I don't read economic forecasts. I don't read the funny papers.

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.

No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

If a guy doesn't like a funny girl, something is wrong with him.

Billy Crystal knows how to make people laugh. He's got 30 years on stage... there's no telling him what's funny.

I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny.

Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?