Quotes About Humor

Americans think the only funny Brits are John Cleese, Benny Hill and whoever makes our toothpaste. They're not laughing with us, they are laughing at us.

I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.

Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and they're like crickets. I have to sharpen up on that.

I felt how important the simplest things were, like feeling proud, finding something funny, stretching yourself, retreating into yourself.

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny.

My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.

If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Funny is an attitude.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.

I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

The funniest things are the forbidden.