Quotes About Humor

Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.

The most important thing for me as an actor playing a character is to make you laugh. That's my No. 1 goal.

Not that that's the goal, but sometimes these funny insights can also be deeply profound.

I think our biggest goal is to laugh.

My goal is to forever do stand up.

When you do a comedy, the goals are much clearer to me.

With 'Attachments, ' my goal was to write a really good romantic comedy. I wanted the reader to be smiling throughout.

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough, let's go west.'

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.

First you must find... another shrubbery! (dramatic chord) Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. ("A path! A path!") Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest... with... a herring!

'Tis but a scratch' 'A scratch?! Your arm's off!' 'No, it isn't.'

We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

He who laughs last laughs longest

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?"

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

A man once asked to shake hands with me, the "greatest Englishman who ever lived." I replied, "F**k off, I'm Irish."

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Operator, give me the number for 911!

Me fail english? Thats unpossible.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.