Quotes About Humor

On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.

Never take a blind date to a silent film.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?

There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony, practically no sense of anything at all. If you're born with these so-called defects you have a very good chance of getting to the top.

He who laughs, lasts.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.

My computer goes down on me more often than my girlfriend.

My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading.