Quotes About Humor

Forget Murphy's Law. Nixie's Law: if you were waiting to make a left turn, there was always one oncoming fucktard who sailed through on the red. If you were in a grocery line, whichever line you picked would be run by Nimrod the Wonder-Iguana.

Gentlemen do not work. Since I do not work, therefore I must be a gentleman.

Lady Alys, you have dimples," he said accusingly. Caught, Alys blushed. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. I think God made a mistake and gave me someone else's dimples.

I've been called many things in my life, but never a sacrificial penguin.

Our humor turns our anger into a fine art.

Husbands are awkward things to deal with even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

Well, that could've been worse.

She decided she wanted a cool, starchy independent life, with ruffles of humor like window curtains.

He who laughs, lasts!

WITHOUT LAUGHTER, WHAT MAN of sense could endure either politics or war?

Death. It doesn't have to be boring.

Many people will find this book disrespectful. There is nothing amusing about being dead, they will say. Ah, but there is.

The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks, but the author says there have been enough over the years to prompt the coining of a popular saying: 'I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat.

There wasn't an anhydrous lacrimal gland in the house, writes the author in all seriousness describing a memorial service for a medical school's cadavers.

I smiled, knowing that Elizabeth, even in the worst of her humours, was far better suited to my own disposition. She would scold me, quarrel with me, torment me, tease me and laugh at me as often as may be. I was the happiest man in the world.

Come with me, sweet lass, and I'll make good on me promise to chase ye through the woods like a highlander." Broen spoke in a rich timbre laced with good humor. " Ye there...Lads, be sporting now and let me ravish this charming creature the way only a Scotsman can!

Prudent people are very happy 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think.

Sitting out there on the porch, I laughed. How funny—to think of us turning our clocks this way and that, importantly telling the sun when to rise and when to set, when we would prefer it to be light and when dark.

Dinner is a waste on a first date, because you don't want the guy to see how much you can really eat. "He'll find out soon enough that I can put my entire head in a Häagen-Dazs tub."

Penelope frowned. "I thought you had a headache?" "In my leg I do," Beowulf explained. "From chicken pox." He hopped on his one good leg and made chicken noises. "Buck-buck, buck-buck!

whose brain was no bigger than a medium-sized walnut,

Sinki, blinki, stinki, Helsinki!

What about chickens?

Where are your pajamas, Lumawoo?