Quotes About Humor

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.

The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.

I've killed hundreds of teenagers. Hundreds. And I didn't know why. Why did I enjoy doing it so much? Why? And then I realized - I had a teenager at home!

I'm a little older and I'm gonna do a bunch more movies and then they're gonna put me in a home for old directors.

I would like to explore comedy more. It's not something that I've done a lot of. Obviously, I'm very at home in drama. I like everything.

You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.

The Orlando Magic were so bad last season, the cheerleaders stayed home and phoned in their cheers.

Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.

I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.

I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it

I'm not going to go home and drink rat urine.

There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.

I'll see something awful on the street and I'll come home and say to my boyfriend, "I just saw the funniest thing on the street." It's a stance. It's the way I was born, or the way I was damaged.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

On Michael Moore TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.

As the world gets dumber and dumber, I feel more and more at home.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.Come let us fart in the home.There is no art in a fart.Still a fart may not be artless.Let us fart and artless fart in the home.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?

I once choked on a chip at a friend's birthday when I was seven and had to be sent home, as I'd broken my collarbone coughing.

If you can identify humor in problems then you will have less difficulties in solving them... Most importantly, "you should be able to laugh on yourself".

The only appropriate response to the question, 'Can I be frank?' is, 'Yes, if I can be Barbara.