Quotes About Humor

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Wit is educated insolence.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities - a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

Comedy is a great tool. We [comics] are trying to find ways to use humor to enlighten people without preaching to them.

I remain just one thing, and one thing only - and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Once we got over the origin story, we could really delve deeper into their lives and characters and angst. So this movie actually has more heart, more humor.

Humor is consistent with pathos, whilst wit is not.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!