Quotes About Humor

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

There's a thin, blurry line between humor and tragedy.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.

Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

It's best if you can do things with a sense of humor and finesse.

You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.

Never moon a werewolf.

If we don't have a sense of humor, we lack a sense of perspective

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

A sense of humor is just common sense dancing.

She was everything I wanted. She was beautiful and charming, with a quick sense of humor, and she supported me in everything I did.

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.