Quotes About Humor

The person who has a sense of humor is not just more relaxed in the face of a potentially stressful situation, but is more flexible in his approach.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

The worst drug of all is seriousness versus humor and pleasure!

I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

I think one of the dangers of humor is becoming seduced by it and sacrificing the story for a few laughs.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.

And when we take ourselves too seriously, we are grim about the brothers and sisters, especially the dissenting ones, and there will be no health in us and no healing humor.

My coping mechanism with my dyslexia is to use wit and humor.

Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.