Quotes About Humor

That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year." "Why?" Isabelle said. "So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.

Humor is basically a cognitive process. And it's a creative process not only on the part of the cartoonist but on the part of the viewer.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.

You know what make me laugh? Good, clean, honest humor. Not-trying-to-be-funny humor. Like Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell got that kind of humor.

Humor is one of the most serious tools we have for dealing with impossible situations.

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

part of the humor of living on this backward planet is listening to the hominids rationalize their predations.

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

Humor is essential to a successful tactician, for the most potent weapons known to mankind are satire and ridicule.

Humor is unavoidable. It might not feel funny in the moment, but more often than not there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?