Quotes About Humor

Hang onto your sense of humor. I picture my obituary : The sexiest man alive is now dead.

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Humor and pathos, tears and laughter are, in the highest expression of human character and achievement, inseparable.

Good humor, like the jaundice, makes every one of its own complexion.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

Housework can kill you if done right.

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor.

A sense of humor judges one's actions and the actions of others from a wider reference. It pardons shortcomings, it consoles failure.

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"

But I think frustration is hilarious. One of my missions is to bring humor into fine art. It's sacred.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.