Quotes About Humor

Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Every Joke is a Tiny Revolution

Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.

Good-humor is allied to generosity, ill-humor to meanness.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.

I was an incredible Anglophile. I found people who shared the same sense of humor and attitude toward the world.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

Nothing kills a party like an oversize metal hedgehog.

The subconscious mind has no sense of humor and people often joke themselves into unhappy experiences.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

Passion - and humor will permit all of us to do some marvelous things.

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.