Quotes About Humor

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

At the top of the list of what makes a successful marriage, is a sense of humor.

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

The secret to humor is surprise.

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

It's just another of Robin's sayings. Like, 'Holy strawberries, Batman, we're in a jam! Or, Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!

Cut my pie into four pieces, I don't think I could eat eight.

I think you learn more if you're laughing at the same time.

I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me.

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

I don't believe you really know God if you do not recognize His sense of humor.

I think God has a sense of humor, and the way my lessons come from God is very funny. I have to laugh at myself even if it's a tough lesson.

If there were a Mount Rushmore of American humor, Terry Southern would be the mountain they'd carve it from

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?