Quotes About Humor

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.

Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)

What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

A decrepit society shuns humor as a decrepit individual shuns drafts.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Absolute seriousness is never without a dash of humor.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

Everyone's always interested in a dark theme, especially when there's humor connected to it. It seems like that helps, if that's an integral and organic part of the whole story.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

How fatally the entire want of humor cripples the mind.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

There is nothing so debilitating to a naturally weak sense of humor as selling tickets behind a grating.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.