Quotes About Humor

I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously

The ironic humor comes from the distance between what we understand about ourselves and what is truly going on in ourselves.

The world likes humor, but it treats it patronizingly. It decorates its serious artists with laurel, and its wags with Brussels sprouts.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

Laugh at your worries and insecurities. View your anxieties with humor. It will be difficult at first, but you'll gradually get used to it.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

since each child reads only about six hundred books in the course of childhood, each book should nourish them in some way - with new ideas, insight, humor, or vocabulary.

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.

In the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi: have a sense of humor.

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

You can always tell somebody's sense of humor by if they like this movie or not.

humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.