Quotes About Humor

Nothing is as universal as some good scatalogical humor. Even if it means having to be a little silly or cheeky, I think it is worth it.

You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!

Thank heaven I don't inherit God from anybody! I am free to make mine up as I wish Him. He's kind and sympathetic and imaginative and forgiving and understanding - and He has a sense of humor.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

I think you really have to tap into your sense of humor in order to survive.

Comedy holds the greatest risk for an actor, and laughter is the reward.

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

I call my balls the bush twins.

Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it.

If I can't find a theme, I can't make a film anyone else will feel. I can't laugh at intellectual humor. I'm just corny enough to like to have a story hit me over the heart.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

Humor is an amazing way to talk people down off a ledge.

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.