Quotes About Humor

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Martin Luther King was a human being with a brilliant mind, a powerful heart, and insight, and courage and also with a sense of humor. So he was accessible.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation.

A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart in your hand like a cheap umbrella.

Wit, after all, is a mighty tart, pungent ingredient, and much too acid for some stomachs; but honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting.

The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.

Sin endeavors to subject the blessed God to the humor and lust of every person in the world

Humor is anger that was sent to finishing school.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

God probably thinks it's worth giving a sense of humor only to those of us who have to laugh at all the rubbish bits that are wrong with us.

I never ask my wife about my flaws. Instead I try to get her to ignore them and concentrate on my sense of humor.

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I've always been attracted to humor and funny people in general. It's a joy to make people laugh, but it's not as fun as laughing yourself.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Jewish introspection and Jewish humor is a way of surviving . . . if you're not handsome and you're not athletic and you're not rich, there's still one last hope with girls, which is being funny.

I got a business card because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme a call, maybe we'll have lunch. If I'm lucky!