Quotes About Humor

Humor is the fastest, fleetest way of giving -it can change pain to joy in a mere millisecond.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.

If I had a sense of humor, I'd be laughing right now.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

There is scarcely an aspect of the American character to which humor is not related, few which in some sense it has not governed. ... It is a lawless element, full of surprises.

Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

Humor (is) intrinsitc to Christianity.

I miss my brother. Prince was a funny cat. Great sence of humor.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

You have to maintain who you are as a person and stay true to yourself - that's my biggest moral as a human being, as well as a very self-deprecating sense of humor.

Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.

High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.

Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all.

The average person suffers from three delusions: 1) That he is a good driver 2) That he has a good sense of humor and 3) That he is a good listener.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.