Quotes About Humor

Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks..."

A delightfully droll look at how the other half lives from a pet pooch's point of view.

My cat mocks me frequently. It's the universe's way of keeping me from getting too big of an ego.

The prank is entitled "Subverting the Patriarchal Paradigm".

The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow.

Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.

I'm quite certain that if I lost my sense of humor, it would most definitely need to be replaced by a padded cell.

Horror shares an edge with hilarity.

At least I rescued your poor hot dog.

I'm going to write a book about an intelligent woman who does stupid things when it comes to men. I'll call it, "My Memoirs.

A bit of sniffles and men are more work than a brood of babies.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".

Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory?

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.

Get your fang boner under control. Your freaking out my person

That was some branch. Did it have a vendetta against your t-shirt?""Guess so.""I hope you showed it who is boss.""Yeah, I peed on it.

There's an empty seat next to me in the 'intensely aggravating' section…and it's got your name on it

I'm creating a self help show called Self Talk. I'll insult myself for an hour then open phone lines to a fitness coach & my mother-in-law.

Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the Midol.

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.