Quotes About Humor

If I wanted to consume something that looks and tastes like dirt, I'd eat dirt, " I said, "at least dirt isn't overpriced."~Beans~

I love to laugh. Specially at myself. Sometimes I spend hours doing it.

If I facepalm myself too much, maybe the pimples will go away.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...

The most diplomatic statement you can use for the person you hate:"If I would have water, and you would be on fire, ...I would drink IT.

You both talk too much, " the kid says. "Shut up. Don't make me tell you again."We shut up, which I find hysterically funny.

People seem to overlook an old man losing his mind if he occasionally made light of it.

The Old Testament is actually pretty raunchy. You might enjoy it.

Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.

Oh, gods. Not the flying!""I heard you mounted my sister well enough.""I want you never to make that statement again.

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

A dialysis patient's life is hard. Laugh harder.

Your boyfriend smells bad, says Sarah as she sniffs the armpit of the giant sweatshirt.All boys smell bad I say and she nods her head like we have just figured out something very important.

Plimpton was a presence. He looked for ways in which he could make himself ridiculous. That made him a great storyteller.

There's something amazing about humor and laughter. It broadens your perspective.

[Truman] didn't want to fight the guy, whatever he was—alien, vampyr or douchebag.

Never laugh at your wife's choices… you're one of them

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, or scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged!

Our flesh is a gift of laughter.

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit.

I'm coming, you impatient old coot! Keep your panties on!"-Skye yelling back to Hagan.

I looked down at the brochure nearest me."We're going to Nigeria, " I threatened. "I hope you like elephant polo." -Liberty Jones

If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?

W.S. Gilbert, Patience