Quotes About Humor

Judgment is discernment on a bad hair day.

He could totally be your boyfriend," [Angel] went on with annoying persistence. "You guys could get married. I could be like a junior bridesmaid. Total could be your flower dog.

The relationship between Cathy and Mom in the strip is the one relationship drawn from real life that I have proudly never even tried to disguise.

God and I have a great relationship but we both see other people.

In every job, relationship, or life situation there is inevitably some turbulence. Learn to laugh at it. It is part of what you do and who you are.

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings.

Comic timing... is how to have a relationship with the camera and deal with the camera without looking like you are.

I'm divorced and I've been to the circus and seen the clowns. This ain't my first rodeo.

But you'd best get moving lad. If we lie here too long our nuts will freeze to the ground." "Fine words for a pastor," Jake said. "No man that hath his stones broken shall come nigh to the offerings of the Lord," the pastor said with a straight face. "Now you're just making shit up," Jake replied.

Her long black hair hung heavy on her shoulders, her eyes were deep, chocolate brown, and a nametag over her left breast said 'Eileen'. "What's the other one called " I said. "Right tit " she said. "Which describes you perfectly." I liked her.

They note that the coherent arbitrariness of salaries is tacitly recognized in an old one-liner: A wealthy man is one who earns $100 more than his wife's sister's husband.

John, you look like crap warmed over." He nodded, walking into the conference room for what had now become their daily meeting. Thanks, Tom. I needed that.

Gee, I'm not used to looking at these without the meat on them!

To be sure, the Finnish soldier was aware of the numerical odds against him, but he rendered those odds less terrible by cracking jokes about them: "They are so many, and our country is so small, where will we find room to bury them all?

I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humour.

Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else.

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns.

Chandler's "She was blonde enough to make a bishop kick a hole through a stained-glass window

A man cannot make him laugh; but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine

O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified!

Sir Toby: Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?Clown: Yes, by Saint Anne; and ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too.