Quotes About Humor

Name the different types of laughter that are available to us and that's what life is all about.

His mother was ugly and his father was ugly, but Shrek was uglier than the two of them put together. By the time he toddled, Shrek could spit flame a full ninety-nine yards and vent smoke from either ear.

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.

But my favorite selfie was when a monkey threw poo at Fred.

Blake, I know you don't live on Butt St, Uranus.

Wit is more necessary than beauty and I think no young woman ugly that has it, and no handsome woman agreeable without it.

He's a fool that marries, but he's a greater that does not marry a fool; what is wit in a wife good for, but to make a man a cuckold?

What I want to do is make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.

Ironically, later we used the money that we were able to bring to the camp to wipe our bottoms. We simply didn't have any other paper. We tore ten-guilder notes into quarters and then we could use them four times. That was just fine, because it's not pleasant to have a dirty behind.

The Yale president must be a Yale man. Not too far to the right, too far to the left or a middle-of-the-roader. Ready to give the ultimate word on every subject under the sun from how to handle the Russians to why undergraduates riot in the spring. Profound with a wit that bubbles up and brims over in a cascade of brilliance. You may have guessed who the leading candidate is, but there is a question about him Is God a Yale man

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

I want a priest, a rabbi, and a Protestant clergyman. I want to hedge my bets.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

What good is a white man if you can't have a little fun with him? "At

Nemo suggested that it might be some monster giant but his papa called him a "rattlebrain" and ordered him to pacify his mama who was making elaborate plans to faint.

[Golf] is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

Lady Astor: Sir, if you were my husband I would put arsenic in your tea! Churchill: If I were your husband I would drink it!

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

Maybe I am a idiot, but at least I ain't stupid

I got to pee.

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother — and they'll settle for a puppy every time.

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Laughter abounds in the mouths of fools.