Quotes About Humor

I'm a dad now and whatever I'm doing in life I usually put a lot of effort into it - usually too much effort, so it kind of comes off ridiculous at times.

Granny's eyes popped. 'You've got rabies? Oh dear.' She reached across the table and patted Mum's arm. 'Never mind, I've got some nice handcream upstairs.

can be very ungreat. 'And before you do any digging you can change the babies' nappies,' smiled Mum. 'Thank you,' I scowled. 'I'm just your slave really, aren't I?' 'Yes,' they answered. I turned round to find the twins and of course they'd vanished, hadn't they? They're always

Jesus loves you." "Then how come he never calls?

I love eating chicken with my bare hands. It makes me want to snarl at people, even more than usual.

You want me to flash you" I said He nodded vigorously, like I'd asked if he wanted fries with that. "And then you'll pass on?" "That's all I want. So, yeah." I could almost believe that a fourteen-year-old boy could find deep spiritual peace from a pair of boobs.

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.

Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.

I will not take up your time, dear boy, with telling you what is the matter with me. Life is brief, and you might pass away before I had finished. But I will tell you what is NOT the matter with me. I have not got housemaid's knee. Why I have not got housemaid's knee, I cannot tell you; but the fact remains that I have not got it. Everything else, however, I HAVE got.

When you lose the power to laugh, you lose your power to think straight.

When you loose your power to laugh, you loose your power to think straight.

Self-pity can make one weep, as can onions.

They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.

I feel most ministers who claim they've heard God's voice are eating too much pizza before they go to bed at night, and it's really an intestinal disorder, not a revelation.

My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

That's not serious, it's just human.

We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to.

It's self-effacing, it's hard-luck, the shtetl stories. All those Coasters things are an amalgam of Yiddish and black humor.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I'm the kind of guy who can't keep a plant alive for a week, let alone a relationship.

'Home Alone' was a movie, not an alibi.

Latin is already a dead language, man... don't make it any deader.