Quotes About Humor

Oxygen is overrated.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashes... oh, wait a minute, he already does.

In dog beers, I've only had one.

Does breast milk come in chocolate?

There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers — turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night!

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.

This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?"

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.

Who was that lady I saw you with last night?She ain't no lady; she's my wife.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog wouldn't eat.

Docs? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with?

I got a sewing machine for my husband! Good trade, huh?

Do files get embarrassed when they're unzipped?

A good pun is its own reword.

If you marry a skier, marry tall - they walk with their knees bent ten months out of the year.

COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key.

Early to bed Early to rise If you didn't pee first it'll be up to your eyes

I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.