Quotes About Humor

Can I ask you something personal?" Six inches but I tell everyone eight.

It wasn't that funny, but I laughed. There wouldn't be much laughter in the world if people didn't like each other, because there sure as shit aren't that many good jokes.

There's a rule or something that if a girl can crack you up, you have to do what she says.

Romney sounds like he wants to be the nice uncle in a sitcom, Santorum sounds like he wants to be a twelfth-century archbishop, Gingrich sounds like he wants to go to outer space, and Paul sounds like he came from there.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

He invented the Fuse Box Dwarf, a little man who popped out at you from behind the paint cans in the cellarway and screamed, "Dreeb! Dreeb! I am the Fuse Box Dwarf!" Lewis was not scared by the little man, and he felt that those who scream "Dreeb" are more to be pitied than censured.

If I were serious I would never have become a wizard, would I?

Christ, seven years of college, down the drain.

My psychiatrist can lick your psychiatrist.

As we are preparing to land the captain asks that you return your tray tables to the upright position, unfasten your seat belts, and jump out of the helicopter. We'd like to thank you for flying with the U.S. Navy, and hope you will choose to travel with us again in the future." "The far fucking future," added Harford. "Amen," said Ivanov. As

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be entertained.

Farting, don't think, just fart.

Remove God from the world of ideas. Remove government, politics from society. Keep sex, humor, utilities. Let private property go.

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section.

There was no way I was gonna walk around this place with my dork hanging out!

That's why they pay me the big bucks.' 'What do you mean?' 'I don't know,' Dickson said, 'I heard it on TV.

Just moo for me,' Ed said. 'Maybe a wee Hobnob?' 'I only have Rich Tea,' Myra said. 'Sorry.' 'That's alright, love.' To Bob: 'Cardboard. That's the sort of biscuits they start dishing out on the lifeboat when they're done eating the other passengers.

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

Happy Birthday, Thomas Hayward. Unfortunately he's dead, he would have been 177 today. Only a year younger than me.

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?

He who laughs most, learns best