Quotes About Humor

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

One time, Niall sat on the floor for hours trying to find a way of putting his M&M's in alphabetical order.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The mark of a good marriage is when only one of you goes crazy at a time!

How can anybody hate nurses? Nobody hates nurses. The only time you hate a nurse is when they're giving you an enema.

My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.

The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong. Every time my husband kisses me, the garage door goes up.

I've never won an argument with my wife; and the only time I thought I had I found out the argument wasn't over yet.

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.

If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything.

Plus, doing a zombie movie is quite liberating. It's fun not to take myself seriously all the time.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

One time Robert Plant was set to check into the same room after I checked out, so I removed every light bulb and ordered up a bunch of stinky cheese and put it under the mattress.

If it weren't so off-putting for my co-workers. I'd wear my flannel, one-piece 'Hannah Montana' pajamas, like, all the time!

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

There has to be irony, both in design and in the objects. I see around me a professional disease of taking everything too seriously. One of my secrets is to joke all the time

And hey, it's okay to laugh at yourself sometimes, I do dumb things all the time (haha). But when it get's too personal, get your tough skin on and stand firm.

If I had a dollar for every time someone made fun of me in high school-oh wait, I do!

I'm the type of person that likes to give people a hard time, and I enjoy doing little pranks. If I see someone getting a little aroused I have to keep pushing that button.

The cool things about space is when you put your pants on here, you can put them on two legs at a time.