Quotes About Humor

Oh no, no, no! Are you going to suck my blood? (Amanda Do I look like a lawyer to you? (Kyrian)

You're really not right, are you? Yeah, I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging. (Nick)

You don't call Acheron 'babe.' (Valerius) You don't call Acheron 'babe' because...well, that's just sick. But I call him 'babe' all the time. (Tabitha)

Where am I? (Nick) Hospital. (Kyrian) Really? No kidding? And here I thought I was at McDonald's. (Nick)

Whoa, what is this? Battle of the Sarcastic and Pissed? Should I make popcorn? Forget American Idol, man. This is much more entertaining. (Kish)

Fang laughed as he shoved Vane away 'Man, quit hugging on me. You are a perv. Vane punched him in the arm. You're such an a**hole, Trace gasped. Daddy said a bad word! Fang said You tell him pup. Keep your daddy straight.

It's true, and I was really hideous as a preteen. Tall and gawky. I used to bump my head into everything. Still do sometimes. (Kat) You are my daughter. (Acheron) Sure I am, I can't imagine you ever being uncoordinated. (Kat) Oh, I assure you I've nailed quite a few signs with my forehead. It's a wonder 'Exit' isn't permanently imprinted right between my eyes. (Acheron)

Please, Achimou? (Tory) You are the only being who's ever called me that. (Acheron) Well, I'd call you babycakes, but I think that might offend you even more. (Tory)

Ash paused as he entered the house to find the three women lined up and... singing to... dear gods, anything but this. Fergilicious. All he needed was for Simi to be here and off-key with them since it was her favorite song and he'd spent the better part of the last year cursing whoever was dumb enough to introduce that song to a hormonal teenaged demon. Worst part? Simi wanted him to call her Similicious.

He knows she's his daughter, twit. (Artemis) Twit? Moi? The Simi? Why, I do believe the bitch-goddess has done gone and gotten herself confused. She thinks she's me, not that I blame her. All women want to be me because of my beautoneousness and the fact that I have such stylish clothing and sparklies. But believe me, I ain't no heifer-goddess. (Simi)

No, Simi. No food. (Acheron) No, Simi. No food. The Simi don't like this, akri. Katoteros is boring. There's nothing fun there. Only old dead people who want to come back here. Bleh! (Simi) Simi...(Acheron) I hear and obey, akri. The Simi just never said she would do so quietly. (Simi)

What are you talking about? Are you for real? (Nick) What do you mean? The Simi's not turning invisible again, is she? Ooo, that would be bad. I promised akri I wouldn't do that no more in public places. But sometimes the Simi can't help it. Kind of like putting barbecue sauce on salads. It's just mandatory and reflexive 'cause you gots to kill the taste of the ick rabbit food. (Simi)

Menoeceus wants his father. (Astrid) Bob is crying because he wants his mother to stop calling him that crap-ass name. It's all right, Bob. Daddy's got you now. I'm saving you from Mommy's bad naming taste. I'd be crying, too, if my mom named me after an idiot. (Zarek)

Where are the cops when you need them? (Nick) Probably eating beignets. As the old saying goes, when seconds count, the police are just minutes away. (Caleb)

Come home with me, Acheron. I'll make it well worth your while. (Artemis) I have a headache. (Acheron) You've had a headache for two hundred years! (Artemis) And you've had PMS for eleven thousand. (Acheron)

I didn't even know he knew any mellow shit. Dear gods…is he ill? (Urian) I don't know. In nine thousand years, I've never seen him like this before. (Alexion) I'm beginning to get scared. This has to be a sign of the Apocalypse. If he breaks out into Air Supply, I say we sneak up on him, drag him outside and beat the holy shit out of him. (Urian)

Should I ask about the handcuffs? (Tate) Not unless you want to live...otherwise if anyone asks, tell them I died of a heart attack during a wild sexcapade with her. (Kyrian)

As Ash left the house, the back door slammed shut, catching the tail end of his long black coat. Ash jerked to a stop and cursed. Nick howled with laughter at the sight of Acheron trapped.) Don't it take the bad-ass right out of you? (Nick) (Ash arched a brow. The door opened by itself, freeing his coat, then it slammed shut again. Nick sobered instantly.) And that puts it right back in you. (Nick)

Yeah, right. Life is a soul-sucking test that you either survive or you fail. Personally, I think failure blows, so I intend to survive and laugh my ass off at all the losers. (Nick)

Are you up? Dressing? (Astrid) No. I'm pissing on your rug. What do you think I'm doing? (Zarek) I'm blind. For all I know you really are peeing on my rug, which is a very nice rug incidentally, so I hope you're kidding. (Astrid)

Grace- You are naked.......You are so naked Julian - I know Grace - You are naked! Julian - We've established that. Grace - You're happy and naked. Julian - What?

What are you? (Zarek) I'm a nymph. (Astrid) I hope you just left an important syllable off that word, princess. (Zarek)

I say we should stake him to an anthill and throw little pickles at him! (Selena)

She grabbed him for a bear hug.) Stop sexually harassing me, Mom. (Nick)