Quotes About Humor

I need dating advice. Fast...Julian, how did you meet your wife? Julian shrugged. My brother the sex god cursed me into a book for two thousand years. Grace got drunk on her birthday and summoned me out of it. Vane rolled his eyes. That's useless. Kyrian? What about you? I woke up handcuffed to Amanda. Vane could work with that. So I need to get a set of handcuffs?

Baby, it's either laugh or cry and crying takes way too much energy. If you can't find humor in the shit life heaps on you, you really will grow miserable. (Syn)

Lights! Lights would be very good right now! (Amanda) Since they hurt my eyes to the point I can barely see, no they wouldn't. Trust me. (Kyrian) Trust you, my left foot! I'm not immortal over here! (Amanda) Yeah, well, in a bad enough car wreck, neither am I. (Kyrian) I really hate your sense of humor. (Amanda)

Yeah, I'm thinking it's a reunion or, since it is our classmates, a collection of idiots. Let's call it a meese. Like geese, only with morons. (Caleb)

Clean it up, hell. Do you know how many cameras just caught your stunt-jump from upstairs? My mom now thinks you're on the drugs she suspects Kyrian sells. We're screwed. My life is toast. I'm about to get lectured about working for drug dealers…again. My mom, bless her heart, is so goofy, she doesn't even realize she works for bears. I'm so screwed. (Nick)

Sorry. I have technical difficulties making it through a room without bumping into something. Thank God my clumsiness is only restricted to the ground. I'd probably kill myself diving if I was this bad underwater. (Tory)

Hmmm, I bet you'd be really cute with hornays. Not that you're not cute right now, but you're a bit young. You're only what? Four in human years? Oh wait, that's wrong, isn't it? You ninety? (Simi)

Got to say, dying would really wreck my best day. Been there, done that, and now that I think about it, Artemis forgot to give me the t-shirt.

Oh, goodie! I get to make the redheaded goddess mad! (Simi)

Get your butt over there and start reading before I beat you with my Rod of Time. (Sin) I can think of much better things to do with your rod than beat me, baby. (Kat) Aww, gawd, we've degenerated into really bad punage. I yield. Save me before my IQ points are damaged. (Sin)

I can't believe I'm mated to someone who's allergic to me. (Ravyn) You? I'm the one who should be having a hissy. How do I introduce you to people? Hi, this is my…what? Significant other? Mate? Pet? (Susan)

Yeah, well, to hear you talk, most men should come with warning labels. (She lifted her hands up to frame her next statement.) Attention, please, Psycho Alert. Me, he-man, am prone to nasty mood swings, lengthy pouts, and possess the ability to tell a woman the truth about her weight without warning. (Selena)

Zarek? (Astrid) What?! (Zarek) Don't use that tone with me. I like to know where people are in my house. Be nice, or I'll make you wear a cowbell. (Astrid)

Can you just saw his arm off while we're here and get me loose? (Amanda) I could do that, but he needs his more. I'd cut yours off before I did his. (Tate) Oh, great, what are you, his Igor? (Amanda) Wrong movie, Igor was Frankenstein's flunky. Renfield is the one you're thinking of, and no, I'm not Renfield. Name's Tate Bennett. Parish coroner. (Tate)

I've never met anyone who had a monkey for a friend before. (Maggie) I don't know. I think those two guys you were with would qualify as primates, but then, that's an insult to the primate and I don't want Marvin to get pissed at me. He has higher sensibilities, you know? (Wren)

Acheron: You're really not right, are you? Nick: Yeah. I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging

Guy? Mister? Mr. Goth Man, would you please wake up so I can leave? I really don't want to hang out in a closet with a dead man any longer than I have to, okay? C'mon, please, don't make this a Weekend at Bernie's thing! (Amanda)

Fine. Let's begin with something even you can't screw up." – Death "Way to build up my crappy confidence there. You should volunteer for the suicide hotline." – Nick "What makes you think I don't?" – Death

You could have said 'Excuse me.' (Zarek) I'm not talking to you. (Astrid) Love you, too, babe. (Zarek) You really are an animal, aren't you? (Astrid) Woof, woof. (Zarek)

Because I cursed him to it. (Acheron) Be glad I'm not physically there or I'd slap you upside the head. You know how free will works, so stop the whining and get off the cross. Someone needs the wood. (Savitar)

Happiest day of my life when my dad made him human. (Devyn) Happy for you, bonebag…It cost me my girlfriend. (Vik) It was a lamp, Vik, not a girlfriend. (Devyn) I really loved that lamp. She lit up my entire world. (Vik)

Nick, fetch my car, fetch my clothes, sweep the chimney, make my bed, watch my psychopath, fetch my slippers.' Yeah, I'll fetch those slippers and stick them someplace real uncomfortable. I swear, my mother should have named me Fido. (Nick)

Acheron kissed her lightly on the cheek. Rest. We'll be back when he needs you. He watched her climb into bed before he took his nephew down to his room. Well, it appears to be just the two of us, little one. What say you we get naked, drunk and find us some wenches? The baby actually smiled up at him as if he understood. Acheron nodded. So that's it, eh? Barely a month old and you're already lecherous. You are your father's son.

You go to him for advice? He's only what? Five years old? I swear I own older sweaters. (Tory)