Quotes About Humor

Yeah, it's me, but I like to think I looked better when we met. 'Cause right now, I'm pretty much hogging all the ugly. (Nick)

I was the Sumerian god of fertility. You know what that means, don't you? (Sin) You have a lot of penis envy over the other fertility gods? Don't worry. I won't tell the other gods about your small penis problem. (Kat)

That's why I have Jericho, Jared, and Zarek. (Acheron) Psycho-ass? You're bringing Psycho-ass back? (Nick) That's Mister Psycho-ass to you, punk. (Zarek)

Where did you learn to ride anyway? Disasters-R-Us? (Tory)

I swear, Daimons or not, if you don't behave, Z, I'm going to send you to Antarctica and leave you there to rot. (Acheron) Ooo. I'm terrified. Those killer penguins and hairy seals are really scary. (Zarek)

He won't last long, akri. Thanatos is barbecue. And I like my barbecue. Just tell me how you want him, akri, normal recipe or extra crispy. I'm partial to extra crispy myself. They crunch louder when deep-fried. Reminds me, I need some bread crumbs. (Simi)

Now don't you be covering for him, Ash. (She wagged her finger at Nick.) Are you driving? (Cherise) No, Mom. I'm sitting. (Nick)

Oh yeah, Scooby, it does. You and I have gone round many a day. I'm the reason you keep thinking you've had alien abductions. (Caleb)

If that rank bastard comes near my baby– (Sunshine's grandmother) Grandma! (Sunshine) Well, he is. Messing with my granddaughter. I'll boil his warts in oil and feed his head to the wolves. (Sunshine's grandmother) You know, wolves don't really like to eat heads. Meat, yes, but heads are really hard on the jaws. Not to mention, the cranium gets caught between your teeth. (Vane)

You know, Uri, there's something seriously wrong with me. (Acheron) And you're just now figuring this out? Damn, you're the poster child for slow learning. (Urian)

By the way, don't breathe on the upholstery or I may have to gut you. (Nick)

Would like to join me? (Astrid) I think I'd look strange in a bikini. (Zarek) Was that a joke? Can it be you made a real joke? (Astrid) Yeah, I must be possessed or something. (Zarek)

Would you leave me alone, you walking pair of boots! Let go of my easel, you refugee from a luggage factory. If you need some wood for a toothpick, there's a bunch of it on the porch. (Sunshine) Beth. What are you doing?...She says she was forcing you inside before it got dark and something decided to eat you. (Talon) Tell Swamp Breath I was headed this way. Why was she…Oh jeez, am I really have a conversation with a gator? (Sunshine)

Good Lord, woman. Didn't anyone ever tell you that men have a specified word count set aside each day and if I don't stop talking, my tongue will explode? (Syn)

Be kind to dragonswans, for thou art gorgeous when naked and taste good with cool whip. (Channon)

You have some severe mental problem I need to be aware of, don't you? (Shahara) Just because I eat babies for breakfast and pick my teeth with their bones doesn't mean I'm nuts. (Syn) Any other weird habits I should be aware of? (Shahara) Just my need to dance naked in the streets under the light of a full moon. (Syn)

Black belt in Akihito. (Amanda) Any other time, I'd kiss you for that. (Kyrian)

Hmmm. See, in this world, Xirena, the Simi does what she wants and akri, he say, 'Okay, Simi, whatever you want, Simi.' Unless it involves eating people; then he usually says no, but that's the only time. Other than that, he do what the Simi says. See how that works? (Simi)

Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids.

Ryssa? How do you know her name was Ryssa? (Tory) Uh…I don't. I just gave her a name. It seemed more polite than calling her 'hey, you, ancient chick.' (Acheron)

It is leashed. Now drop the subject or I'll tell Sin you've seen me naked. (Kat) I will never bring this topic up again. Oh wait. What topic? I have Alzheimer's. I know nothing at all. (Kish)

You woke up on the wrong side of the oak tree, didn't you? (Acheron)

Screw reality. It don't feed my dog. It don't make my Porsche payments. It don't get me laid. Bullshit does that…and I like it that way. (Leo)

I know. 'Nick, go after psycho-ass and show him where he lives.' But might I point out that in doing this, I should qualify for hazard pay? (Nick) Might I point out that staying here with me is far more hazardous to your health? (Acheron) What? Am I still here? Oh no, sorry, thought I'd left ten minutes ago. (Nick)