Quotes About Humor

See, Sway, that's what you get for flunking your pilot's test six times…which I'm pretty sure is a record of some sort. If not for the actual flunking, definitely for the persistence in pursuing that which you obviously have no talent for. Personally, I wouldn't let you fly a remote-control kid's plane. (Vik) Shut up before I find a can opener. (Sway)

What are you doing here, Simi? (Astrid) Feeling peckish. Is there any food? Something not too heavy. Maybe a cow or two? (Simi)

I scoured myself with lye soap from head to toe to get the evil funk of demon snot off me. I have flossed things the gods never meant to be flossed and used things that would be toxic to most living organisms. All to sanitize my body for your chewing pleasure.

Have you ever wanted to put your head in a blender and turn on the liquefy switch? (Tate)

Ash sarcastically rang an invisible bell with his hand. Ding, ding, ding. Give that boy a trophy.

You must be the brother. I hope so, I'm wearing his pants.

Now, if I could get Mark to put down his phone and stop taking breaks, we'd be able to finish up before Oprah comes on." – Bubba "Bubba, what are you going to do when they cancel her show?" – Caleb "Shut your mouth, boy. That's sacrilege in this store. You talk like that, and I'll toss you through the window like an old-timey hobo in a Western." – Bubba

You know, you say 'not exactly' a lot. You're not exactly a vampire. You're not exactly from Scotland, and you're allergic to daylight. What else? (Sunshine) I hate bran muffins and grass. (Talon)

Looks like I missed a party. Good. I wasn't really in the mood to off demons this evening. Haven't had my coffee yet. (Jared) You drink coffee? (Stryker) No, but it was my pathetic attempt at humor. (Jared)

Then Olympus it is. But do try to behave. I know it's hard for you, but… (Delphine) I won't piss on the floor. (Jericho) It's not the floor I'm worried about. It's their cornflakes. (Delphine)

I'm not ogling him for myself. I'm ogling him for you. It was, after all, your sex life we were discussing. (Selena) Well, my sex life is just hunky-dory, and not the business of the people in this restaurant. (Grace)

If I said I wouldn't toss him out of my bed for eating crackers, would you leave me alone? (Grace) Maybe. What else wouldn't you toss him out of bed for? (Selena) Eating greasy grimy gopher guts? (Grace)

I'm too young, too smart, and too good-looking to die. Yeah, and then some. The world needed him to improve the gene pool. Not to mention, at fourteen he hadn't even had his first date yet. He'd only just, this night, had his first kiss. He should have recognized that alone as a sign that the apocalypse was coming and that his death was imminent.' – Nick

Sunshine, it's the Celt wanting a little reassurance that I haven't eaten you or anything. (Vane)

You ever think about having kids?" "All the time.I´d love to have a houseful. Then one of my nieces or nephews turns Exorsist on me and spews the most discusting things imaginable out both ends — things that make the demon snot feel like a bubble bath. That usually cures me of that stupidity for at least a day or two." (Sam & Dev)

Storm, Rain, and Sunshine, huh? (Talon) My mother's doing. I'm just glad she stopped at three. I was told the next one would have been named Cloudy Day. (Sunshine)

And I was keeping breakfast warm for you. Sin told me he'd have my balls if I didn't take care of you. Personally, I like my balls attached to my body, so I intend to take really good care of you in a purely platonic way. (Kish)

What can I get you? (Wulf) How about someone else to have this kid for me? (Cassandra)

Well, then, if I admit I know who you are and really couldn't care less will that assuage your damaged manhood enough that we can get past this and move on to something that ends with your giving me a sandwich? (Leta)

You smoke? (Randy) Only when I'm on fire. (Steele) I don't appreciate your humor, Mr. Steele. (Randy) I'm an acquired taste. (Steele)

Tell me, what smells like shit and screams like a girl? (Syn) (He shot the Partini in the knee.) That's right. You. (Syn)

Fang, I think you better stop or Talon might turn you into a wolf kabob. (Vane)

Ah, man. (Talon) What? (Wulf) Friggin' Fabio alert. (Talon) Hey, you're not too far from the mark either, blondie. (Wulf) Bite me, Viking. (Talon)

Is there a phone I can use? (Talon) In the kitchen. (Sunshine) Could you please bring it to me? (Talon) It's not cordless. I always lose those things or I drop them someplace and break them. The last one I had ended up drowning in the toilet. (Sunshine)