Quotes About Humor

A point about vampires. They can and do have sex. I've tried it. It's not bad. A little cold, a little dry... it's kind of like screwing a very lively statue.

A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which you realize that you are trapped in a world almost entirely devoid of reason. Laughter is how you release the anxiety you feel at this knowledge.

If the physical thing you're doing is funny, you don't have to act funny while doing it. . . . Just be real, and it will be funnier.

He was the subject of a little respectful ribbing. But he was, of course, the captain, which meant he had to do lots of the ribbing himself.

Then the Miller fell off his horse.

Be nat wrooth, my lord, though that I pleye. Ful ofte in game a sooth I have herd seye!

This Nicholas anon leet fle a fart As greet as it had been a thonder-dent, That with the strook he was almoost yblent; And he was redy with his iren hoot, And Nicholas amydde the ers he smoot. Of gooth the skyn an hande-brede aboute, The hoote kultour brende so his toute, And for the smert he wende for to dye.

If we prove boring during the conversation after the film, our dates may say they had a lovely time, but let's just be friends. You can't buy love. You have to inspire it, partly through humor, the premier arena for advertising your creativity.

he has this huge blind spot where other people have a sense of humor.

You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

All intellectual labor is inherently humorous

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

It is positively because he is quick-witted that he is long-winded.

I'm glad he's hungry. Not that I want him to suffer, poor chap! But then he'll enjoy eating me much more. There's a cheerful side to everything.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.