Quotes About Humor

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

I love playing people who don't have a sense of humor for instance, there's nothing funnier to me than a person with no sense of humor.

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth!

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

I was ecstatic they re-named 'French Fries' as 'Freedom Fries'. Grown men and women in positions of power in the U.S. government showing themselves as idiots.

The term 'serious actor' is kind of an oxymoron, isn't it? Like 'Republican party' or 'airplane food.'

If you catch me saying 'I am a serious actor,' I beg you to slap me.

It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible.

I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics.

He thought of hanging himself, to pass the time.

So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

Not one doctor, nurse, dietitian, or nutritionist has ever told me to eat and drink organic and I have out walked them all. The proof is in the organic pudding, Lol -Johnny Wowk aka Johnny The Walker

I swallowed. "Mum, you're not going to get divorced, are you?" Her eyes shot open. "Divorced? I'm a good Catholic girl, Louisa. We don't divorce. We just make our men suffer for all eternity." She waited just for a moment, and then she started to laugh.

She went kind of pink and laughed, the kind of laugh you do when you know yo shouldn't be laughing. The kind of laugh that spoke of a conspiracy.