Quotes About Mark Twain

Mark Twain said that quitting smoking is among the easiest things one can do; he did it all the time. I would add vegetarianism to the list of easy things.

The brilliant liberal Mark Twain had his number. He called Roosevelt "far and away the worst President we have ever had." Of course, this was before Woodrow Wilson had his turn.

Mark Twain's memory had become capricious and his vivid imagination did not always supply his story with details of crystal accuracy.

Mark Twain's words: Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

As Mark Twain cuttingly remarked, if you removed all occurrences of the phrase 'And it came to pass', the Book of Mormon would be reduced to a pamphlet.

Cherimoya, the most delicious fruit known to men.

Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!

I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, 'You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word'.

You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.

Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!

...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.

God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him.

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.