Quotes About Mark Twain

Why will people be so stupid as to suppose themselves the only foreigners among a crowd of ten thousand persons?

True love is the only heart disease that is best left to run on--the only affection of the heart for which there is no help, and none desired.

After supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the Bulrushers; and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by-and-by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him; because I don't take no stock in dead people.

Satan had been making admiring remarks about certain of the Creator's sparkling industries -- remarks which, being read between the lines, were sarcasms.

In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.

It made one mad, for pleasure; and we could not take our eyes from him, and the looks that went out of our eyes came from our hearts, and their dumb speech was worship.

Jim said he believed it was spirits, but I says: no, spirits wouldn't say dern the dern fog.

If there is one thing in the world that will make a man peculiarly and insufferably self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day it sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.

What got you into trouble? says the baldhead to t'other chap. Well, I'd been selling an article to take the tartar off the teeth—and it does take it off, too, and generly the enamel along with it—

Ah, heavens and earth, friend, if you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.

Say—what is dead cats good for, Huck? Good for? Cure warts with.

His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.

It is full of interest, it has noble poetry in it and some clever fables and some blood drenched history, some good morals and a wealth of obscenity and upwards of a thousand lies. (Re The Bible)

It gratified all the vicious vanity that was in him;

He would be a consul no doubt by and by, at some foreign port, of the language of which he was ignorant; though if ignorance of language were a qualification he might have been a consul at home.

Always—from all companies, high or low—she went forth richer in honor and esteem than when she came.

Tom gave up the brush with reluctance in his face, but alacrity in his heart.

Oh, go to bed! Dan said that, and went away. Oh, yes, it's all very well to say go to bed when a man makes an argument which another man can't answer.

How blind and unreasoning and arbitrary are some of the laws of nature - the most of them, in fact!

You know my present way of life. Can you suggest any additions to it, in the way of crime, that will reasonably insure my going to some other place.

the king he allowed he would drop over to t'other village without any plan, but just trust in Providence to lead him the profitable way - meaning the devil, I reckon.

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd saw; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

The startled girl dropped her watering-pot and clasped her hands together, and at that moment a stone cannon-ball crashed through her fair body.

He denounced him openly as a charlatan--a fraud with no valuable knowledge of any kind, or powers beyond those of an ordinary and rather inferior human being.