Quotes About Mark Twain

you give me much more of your sass I'll take and bounce a rock off'n your head.

I desire to tamper with the jury law. I wish to alter it as to put a premium on intelligence and character, and close the jury box against idiots, blacklegs, and people who do not read newspapers.

If he was a wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would have comprehended that work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and that play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

But I have never ceased to think of that girl. I have written to her, but I can not direct the epistle because her name is one of those nine-jointed Russian affairs, and there are not letters enough in our alphabet to hold out. I am not reckless enough to try to pronounce it when I am awake, but I make a stagger at it in my dreams

DECEMBER 26TH. The dog came to see me at eight o'clock this morning. He was very affectionate, poor orphan! My room will be his quarters hereafter.

But the lawyer he jumps on the table and yells, and says: "Gentlemen—gentlemen! Hear me just a word—just a single word—if you please! There's one way yet—let's go and dig up the corpse and look.

What's gone with that boy,  I wonder? You TOM!

Dan said the other day to the guide, Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!

Foo-foo the First, King of the Mooncalves!

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

down and punching under the bed with the broom, and so she needed breath to punctuate the punches with. She resurrected nothing but the cat. "I never did see

Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull.

MONDAY morning found Tom Sawyer miserable. Monday morning always found him so—because it began another week's slow suffering in school. He generally began that day with wishing he had had no intervening holiday, it made the going into captivity and fetters again so much more odious.

Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.

It's an awful snug place for orgies. What orgies? I dono. But robbers always have orgies, and of course we've got to have them, too.

Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.

she clung to him, she poured out her terrors, her unavailing regrets, and the far echoes turned them all to jeering laughter.

and a manner so peculiar and romantic, and extraneous, and ad libitum, and heart-searching, that—that—he—he is an impressionist, I presume? No, said the captain simply, he is a Presbyterian.

Their garment? Have they but one? Ah, good your Worship, what would they do with more? Truly they have not two bodies each.

had studied law an entire week, and then given it up because it was so prosy and tiresome.

Bible, and so the delivery of one of these prizes was a rare and noteworthy circumstance;

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1--to tell him you have read one of his books; 2--to tell him you have read all of his books; 3--to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.

Of course we have been to the monster Church of St. Peter

A new-comer of any age or either sex was an impressive curiosity in the poor little shabby village of St. Petersburg.