Quotes from Mark Goulston

Their operating principle is, "Look out world—here I come.

People who live with substance abusers know that refusing to cooperate with the addiction can trigger an explosive outburst or a childish accusation.

When I ask these people questions that let them open their minds and express their intelligence, I witness a peculiar phenomenon: These hurried professionals, whose most valuable resource is time, hunger to spend more of that time with me.

Restitution: Find some way to make amends, at least partially.

All of us—even if we're strong at the core—will occasionally lose it when stress causes our brains to misalign.

locked in self-preservation ("I am threatened and must do anything I can to survive")

You don't have to go along when others act unfairly or unreasonably. If you do go along, make it clear that you are doing them a favor—and that you expect something in return.

Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it." —EMILY DICKINSON

Rehabilitation: Demonstrate through your actions that you've learned your lesson.

self-identity ("This is who I am and the only way I feel confident, competent, and in control").

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." —MAHATMA GANDHI

Requesting forgiveness: Don't do this immediately, because actions speak louder than words. To truly earn forgiveness, you need to sustain your corrective actions until they become part of who you are. At this point—and not before—go back to the person you've hurt and say, "Are you able to forgive me for hurting you?

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it." —CONFUCIUS

work was not supposed to be something you enjoyed but something you endured. If it wasn't hard, it wasn't legitimate. I

Good management consists of showing average people how to do the work of superior people. —JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER, INDUSTRIALIST AND PHILANTHROPIST

Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note—torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one." —HENRY WARD BEECHER

We forgive when we no longer need to blame; we forget when we no longer need to remember.

Getting your emotions under control isn't just a key to being a great leader like Jim. It's also the most important key to reaching other people, especially in times of stress or uncertainty. It's why a cool and controlled hostage negotiator can get through to someone who seems unreachable

Move on in your life. If you create a more fulfilling future, you will find it easier to forget the past.

There's no such thing as a free lunch." Consciously or unconsciously, nearly everyone keeps score of favors and gestures, and everyone is sensitive to being shortchanged.

Research by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that when people put words to their emotions—"afraid," "angry"—the amygdala, that little biological threat sensor that can throw the brain into animal mode, cools down almost instantly. At the same time, another part of the brain—part of the prefrontal cortex, which is the "smart" area of the brain—goes to work.

Ask managers or salespeople, "What's the biggest mistake you can make?" and often they'll say, "Asking for too much." But they're wrong—because in reality, the biggest mistake you can make is to ask for too little.

Most people are scared to try this approach, because they think "no" really means "no." In dating, it most definitely does—but in business, surprisingly often, it doesn't. To get from "no" to "yes," however, you need to make the right moves. Here's what to do.

But if you always play it safe, it's a safe bet you'll end up sorry.