Quotes from Larry David

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

Drugs scared me.

I have no secrets.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.

You know, I'm really not that bright.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.

I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, "Man Gets Married!"

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn't need therapy.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

I don't like people cleaning my room.

I'm cranky.