Quotes from Larry David

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

It's about nothing, everything else is about something; this, it's about nothing.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

Obviously comedic styles do change.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.

You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.

A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied