Quotes from Larry David

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time.

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.