Quotes from David Walliams

You MUST take your pills. If you fail to take your pills, every single person in your dormitory will be PUNISHED for all ETERNITY

Zoe also knew her stepmother did not love her. Or even like her very much. In truth, Zoe was pretty sure her stepmother hated her. Sheila treated her at worst as an irritant, at best as if she were invisible.

Nec quererer, si etiam in tormentis

Zoe had to do something or she would be roadkill.

Zoe wiped it away gently, as a tear dropped from her eye on to his cold pink nose.

In his dreams, he would be a hero. In his life, he felt like a zero.

mammoth off their

adventure. Tom felt guilty to be leaving her behind, but he felt he had no choice. "Maybe next time," lied the boy. Sally smiled. "Look, Tom, I understand. The others have never invited me. You go. But I want you to promise me something." "What?" he asked. "I want you to tell me all about the night's adventure when you get back." "I will," he said.

will then dispose of the chocolate by eating it. Anyone who refuses to hand over their chocolate to me will not be EXPELLED. They will be held upside down by their ankles and dangled out of the window until they hand over their chocolate. After I have eaten their chocolate, then, and only then, will they be EXPELLED.

Ned and Slime flew over the island,

Smelly cheese, blue cheese, runny cheese, MOULDY CHEESE, cheesy cheese.

It was as if the coffin was a toboggan. A coffin toboggan. A coffboggan.

As Jack listened at the top of the stairs, a tear welled in his eye, and rolled very slowly down his cheek. 8

It's extraordinary," muttered the professor. "There's a special connection between them." "Like me and me favourite mop," added Dotty.

Do NOT complain about the tea. We know it tastes like someone's bathwater that has been PEED in. That's because it is.

had had a mixed

Sheila had given Zoe a used tissue as a present, and then laughed in her face when the little girl unwrapped it. It was full of snot.

A day trip to a local farm ended in disaster when the geography teacher was herded into a sheep dip and all his hair was sheared off. It was slightly preferable to the previous year when the pupils had attached him to the milking machine.

In fact, Zoe dreamed of travelling the world with a huge menagerie of animal stars. One day, she would train animals to do extraordinary feats that she believed would delight the world. She even made a list of what these madcap acts could be:

Just to check she's not going out." "Going

mind-numbingly boring,

Oh, shut yer face, ya idiot!

oe led her father out of the pub,

Made-up word ALERT *Made-up word ALERT *Made-up word ALERT