Quotes from David Walliams

A bronze bust of some dictator or other, who had gone by the name of "Trump.

Monsterfication Machine

SIR FREDERICK FROWN

Now! 4 Dirty Business

Dennis dreamed of one day having his own Trisha episode, with the title, "My brother's farts smell well bad

Rules don't apply here," laughed Lisa. "Dennis, you can be whoever you want to be!" 9

GGGRRRUUURRR! The noise of Woolly's bottom burping sounded just like a bear growling.

cubicle in the girls' toilets and fed the rat some of the bread she was meant to be saving for her lunch.

Billionaire Boy

Raj was a big jolly man, who always had a smile on his face, even if you told him his shop was on fire.

Like most people, Mr Meek thought of himself as someone who was good with animals, even though he'd once been bitten on the bottom by a horse. A pantomime horse. Thinking he could tame this creature, he tiptoed forward and crouched down. Striking another match… STRIKE!

a little while at least.

It is the perfect job for this busybody, who loves nothing more than bossing folk around.

Buckingham Palace. They lifted their lanterns to reveal a vast cellar

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz? zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Are you sure you want this, Dennis?" asked Raj. "Vogue is mainly read by ladies, and your drama teacher Mr Howerd.

Tom!" said Tom. "Tom!" exclaimed the doctor, as if he was about to have guessed it. He wrote down the next two letters. "So what do they call you? Thomas? Tommy? Big Tom? Little Tom? Tom Thumb?" "Tom," replied Tom wearily. Tom had already said his name was Tom. "Do you have a surname?

Tyrannosaurus rex, the

Pulling wings off daddy-longlegs, stapling cats' tails to the floor, hanging bunny rabbits on a clothes line by their ears, just a bit of fun.

The man was a hero. He had given his life to save not just his son and Gabz, but all the children of the town.

Do you have a surname?" "It begins with a C," said the boy. "Well, at least we have the first letter. It's like doing the crossword!" "Charper!" "Tom Charper!" said the man, scribbling it down on the form. "That's question one done. Just a hundred and ninety-one to go.

The boy would be lavished with presents upon arrival – a new train set, a model plane or a knight's suit of armour. But with nobody to play with Tom would get bored quickly. All he really wanted was to spend time with Mum and Dad, but time was the one thing they never ever gave him. "No. Mother and Father are abroad,

were tall. Even though they were extremely wide they still weren't particularly tall. The figure was wearing a tailored jacket and plus fours (those long billowy shorts that golfers sometimes wear).

grunt!" The grunt was so loud the whole house rumbled.