Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost fell over backward.

I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table

Ranger Smiled. 'You want me to be Superman? Spend the night with me.

Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love [Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it.

Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week. Carl Costanza - Hot Six

We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits. - Joe Morelli

Stephanie Plum: Do you have your stun gun and pepper sray? Lula: Does a chicken have a pecker? I could invade Bulgaria with the shit i've got in my handbag.

And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.

That's how you tell what a man's really made of. It's one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin' after a woman when she's shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.

What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples? Helen Plum

I'd hate to list our specialties. Wreck cars, eat doughnuts, create mayhem.

As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.

Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now. Valerie - To the Nines

You gonna take the case? It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of. You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens, Grandma said.

I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionally mature.

My sex life is okay. Yeah, Morelli said. But sometimes it's fun to have a partner.

My father hired you to protect me, Ahmed said, not to go off chasing men. Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. We think this guy killed Fred. Who's Fred? My uncle, I told him. He's married to Mabel. Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing.

A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.

Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula

Morelli smiled. It could have been Jenny Ragucci. That makes much more sense. I had good luck with sluts. I looked over at him. All in the past, Morelli said. I'm a cupcake man now. Whoa, dude, Mooner said. That's so, like, cosmic.

It's the twenty-first century. I told Tank. Women drive. Only in my bed, Tank said. Never in my car.

A uniform cordoned off the area with crime scene tape. The M.E. pulled in and parked. There were two EMT trucks idling at the edge of the lot. I'd stayed close to the back door, and one of the Rangeman guys had taken a position two feet from me, standing at parade rest. No doubt in my mind he'd take a bullet for me rather than face Ranger over a dead Stephanie.

If anything happened to you, I'd be so destroyed they'd have to strap me to a bed and feed me through a tube. After five or six years, I might be capable of taking care of Rex. In the interim, you should assign a guardian.

That might work, I said. I'm good at faking it. This led to a couple moments of uncomfortable silence from both of us. You didn't mean... ? Morelli asked. No. Of course not. Never? Maybe once. His eyes narrowed. Once? It's all that comes to mind. It was the time we were late for your Uncle Spud's birthday party. I remember that. That was great. You're telling me you faked it? We were late! I couldn't concentrate. It seemed like the best way to go.