Quotes from Janet Evanovich

Am I to assume you would rather not have us as clients? Let me think about that for a nanosecond, Dickie said. Yes! Last time you were in my office you tried to kill me. That's an exaggeration. Maim you, yes. Kill you, probably not.

On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

You don't have a drop of paint on you, I said. Why is that? Ranger smiled, liking that he hadn't gotten hit. I guess they were hunting pussy. But I walked into the Motherfuckers room. Yeah, but babe, your clearly pussy.

Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy.

Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.

Fuck, Ranger said. Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open..

If you buy chocolate with loose change the calories don't count.

I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple.

Nice dress you're almost wearing. You ever think about changing professions? -Ranger

Of course it's your fault, Grandma said. You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies.

Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me. It was a great kiss, but I didn't know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.

I wanted to tell you I....uh, like you. Shit. I chickened out! What was it with me that I couldn't say the big L word? I am such a dope. Morelli sighed into the phone. You are such a dope.

I'd slept with Ranger! Not sexually, of course. But I'd been in his bed. And then there was the evil shower gel. It was all because of the shower gel, I said. Morelli's eyes narrowed. Shower gel? I made a major effort not to sigh. Long story. You probably don't want to hear it.

Ranger's gonna hate this," Tank said. "Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel.

In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment.

I thought you wanted to date other women? I didn't want to date other women. We decided in the heat of the moment that were no longer exclusively attached. And I could date other men. Morelli was starting to look annoyed. Have you been dating other men? Maybe. As long as it isn't Ranger, Morelli said. I don't think Ranger dates.

He's sort of a homeless horse," I said. "I'm leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won't be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don't want that horse in my apartment." "Who would put a horse in an apartment? That's dumb." "Where's the horse staying now?" "My apartment." "I can always count on you to brighten my day," Ranger said. And he disconnected.

If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!

Mrs. Zuppa was coming in from bingo just as I was leaving the building. Looks like you're going to work, she said, leaning heavily on her cane. What are you packin'? A thirty-eight. I like a nine-millimeter myself. A nine's good. Easier to use a semiautomatic after you've had hip replacement and you walk with a cane, she said. One of those useful pieces of information to file away and resurrect when I turn eighty-three.

Maybe it was me, Grandma said.Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

He had a body like batman

Personally, I'm a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don't have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It's magic. End of discussion.

they have enough testosterone between them, if testosterone were electricity they could light up New York City for the month of August

You're probably gonna find this hard to believe, but I was sort of weird when I was a kid. Salvatore Sally Sweet