Quotes from Janet Evanovich

Bullets are creepy. Stephenie

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. How does he always get food stuck to him? I asked Morelli. I don't know, Morelli said. It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure. -Morelli And Stephanie

I can give you a better 'and then', Ranger said.

Grandma was wearing a blond Marilyn Monroe wig, a hot pink tank top, black Pilates pants, and black kitten heels. She looked like the senior version of an inflatable sex toy doll that needed more air.

You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all hair stood up on the back of my next. I had airport rage. Fuckin' A, Lula said.

Shirley's gonna be pissed, Gazarra said. She hates when I get shot. To my recollection, the only other time Gazarra was shot was when he was playing quick draw in the police station elevator and his gun accidentally discharged. The bullet ricocheted off the elevator wall and lodged in Gazarra's right buttock.

I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn't be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.

DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right? DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus, Connie said. I just got the report from the fire marshal. The coffeemaker shorted out and started the fire. Some of the color left Vinnie's face. Say what? Oh man, Lula said. DeAngelo is gonna be pissed. Least he won't know who did it. I left a note, Vinnie said. Lula gave a hoot of laughter and fell off her chair.

Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. Sorry about the blood. What was it this time? No one reported gunfire. I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer. Whoa. Dillon said. It wasn't my fault, I told him. Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for clean up.

My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He'd probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers.

You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?" ~ Morelli

Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.

It was dark and raining, with bad visibility, but this was Jersey, and we don't slow down for anything.

I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.

I'll be real discreet," Tank said. As discreet as a six-foot-six, no-neck guy weighing three hundred and fifty pounds, all dressed in black SWAT clothes, with a Glock holstered at his side could be.

It was a weird sensation. Like getting caught eavesdropping, or lying, or sitting on the toilet and having the bathroom walls suddenly drop away.

Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn't he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster's cage was clean, I'd be happy to oblige.

be refreshing." Ranger smiled. "There are times when I seriously consider marrying you, but then I get yet another black mark on my path to enlightenment and forgiveness and I scratch marriage off my bucket list." "Really? You think about marrying me?" "Marrying you might be extreme, but once in a while I think about sharing my closet." "You have a really great closet.

Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.

At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera.

These are desparate times. - Stephanie Plum

Ranger removed my goggles Would you like to come home with me? I stepped away from him. Thank you for the offer, but no. I'm done with men. Ranger smiled. Forever? Until I figure some things out. And if you don't figure them out? If I can't figure them out on my own, I'll ask you to help me. Babe, that's like the blind leading the blind.

Yeah, I like that idea. Maybe he'll shoot at us again. I was hoping someone would shoot at me today. That was the first thing I said when I got up: Boy, I hope I get shot at today.

Everyone knows that if you buy chocolate with spare change, then the calories don't count.