Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic . . . it's a multifaceted experience. If you lose the faith, chances are you'll keep the guilt, so it isn't as if you've been skunked altogether.

The dancers finished thier set, and one immediately strolled over to our table and straddled Ranger. Want a private party? she asked. Not tonight, Ranger said. He handed her a twenty, and she left. What about the cat-feeding theory? I asked him. Out the window.

Thats what her cars do, Lula said. They explode. But I gotta tell you this was the best. This here's the first time she exploded a garbage truck. One time her truck got hit with an antitank missile. That wasn't bad either, but it couldn't compare to this.

Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.

Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. "It's not funny," I said. "Babe, I haven't got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.

If I could just get Broom to cooperate, we could fly, Glo said. Then we wouldn't have to worry about traffic. Harry Potter didn't have to worry about traffic. You relize Harry Potter isn't real, right? Of course, but he could be. I mean, maybe not Harry Potter, but someone like him. Who's to say?

You know what this is? Lula said. This here's plane rage. Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities list along with eating. If you make a scene they'll hual you off in leg irons. Stephanie said. I'm tired of being stapped in here, too, Lula said. This seat belt's too tight and it's giving me gas. Anything else? There's no movie.

I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.

I got out of the tub and had to squelch a scream when I saw my reflection in the vanity mirror. My hair looked like it had taken 2000 volts and been spray starched

Sally put his gun back in his pants. Guess I flunked the estrogen test. We all stared at his crotch, and Grandma said what Lula and I were thinking. I thought that bulge was your dingdong,Grandma said. Jesus, Sally said, who do you think I am, Thunder the Wonder Horse? My gun wouldn't fit in my purse. You need to get a smaller gun, Lula said. Ruins your lines with that big old Glock in your drawers.

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this. - Morelli

There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts. I tried the other two and it wasn't any good. You being in a dry spell, you might have to rely on doughnuts.

We want you to break into the Smithsonian. Always a pleasure, Nick said. Kate raised an eyebrow at Nick. You've done it before? Nick shrugged. Nobody goes to D.C. without visiting the Smithsonian. Most people go when it's open. I don't like crowds.

Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while

You're my bodyguard and lover. She shook her head. Just your bodyguard. He'll never believe I'm not sleeping with you. You aren't. Even I find that unbelievable, Nick said.

Once again, the key to true happiness is lowered expectations.

I don't feel so good. Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. Excuse me. she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.

I may not be the most patient woman in the world, or the most glamorous, or the most athletic, but I'm right up there at the top of the line when it comes to resiliency.

He had a lot of muscle and a skill level somewhere between Batman and Rambo.

I like my nuts, Mooner said. I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.

You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter. Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines

Be still my heart.

The note wasn't signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.