Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I ordered a pitcher of beer," Morelli said. "Hope that's okay." "It's perfect. I need it now." Morelli whistled through his teeth, and everyone jumped in the restaurant. He raised his hand and mouthed "Beer" to the waitress. "Gee, that's smooth," I said to Morelli. "I'm a Jersey Italian, and my girl needs a drink.

I'd do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don't have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don't care about. -Lula

You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think? Stuart Bagget

Tastykakes are just another of the many advantages of living in Jersey. They're made in Philly and shipped to Trenton in all their fresh squishiness. I read once that 439,000 Butterscotch Krimpets are baked every day. And not a heck of a lot of them find their way to New Hampshire. All that snow and scenery and what good does it do you without Tastykakes?

I've never been in this part of Trenton before. I don't feel comfortable driving around buildings that haven't got gang slogans sprayed on them. Look at this place. No boarded-up windows. No garbage in the gutter. No brothers selling goods on the street. Don't know how people can live like this.

Grandma has a .45 long barrel that she keeps hidden from my mother. She got it from her friend Elsie, who picked it up at a yard sale. Probably it was in Grandma's purse. Grandma says it gives the bag some heft, in case she has to beat off a mugger. This might be true, but I think mostly Grandma likes pretending she is Clint Eastwood.

As I ran water to wash my hands, my earbud fell out of my ear and went down the drain. Crap! I hauled my cellphone out of my bag and texted Ranger. Bad news. Your earbud just went down the drain in the ladies room. It was only a matter of time , he textd back.

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

Do you know how to pilot a yacht?" she asked. "No, I don't, but I thought it would be fun to try it in pitch-black darkness in the middle of the Flores Sea," Nick said, smiling. "They light up the island, right?" "You're such a smart-ass" "I known, but I'm a charming smart-ass

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks, I said to Ziggy. I'll try, Ziggy said, but it's a hard habit to break.

I don't mean to change the subject or anything, but have you tried concealer on that zit? Cynthia Lotte - Hot Six

She doesn't know," Cate said. "Kellen is a secret. I didn't think my mother would approve." "Why wouldn't your mother approve?" Pugg asked. "It's my job," Kellen said. "I kill people. It pays well, but it's not universally socially acceptable.

Damn, I thought everyone carried a gun in New Jersey!!!

It wasn't my fault.

Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered.

There's always tomorrow." "Exactly," she said, finishing off her first doughnut, selecting a second. Maybe she wouldn't starve to death, she decided. Maybe she'd eat herself into obesity and explode. Death by doughnut.

I did such a gigantic eye roll I almost fell over.

Kiss those cuffs good-bye. Lula from Hard Eight By Janet Evonavich

Men! At least we don't fake it. Listen, it was your uncle. And we were late, remember? So I made the sacrifice and got us there in time for dessert. You should be thanking me. Morelli's mouth was open slightly and his face was registering a mixture of astonished disbelief and wounded, pissed-off male pride. Okay, it wasn't that much of a sacrifice at the time, and I knew he shouldn't be thanking me, but give me a break here... this wasn't famine in Ethiopia

Cooking wasn't so bad, I thought. In fact, it was a lot like sex. Sometimes it didn't seem like such a good idea in the beginning, but then after you got into it …

You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up. What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right. I got some scruples, Lula said, but I know when to stop. There's a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples.

And from where I was sitting his ass looked like little Bear's bed...not too hard, and not too soft, but just right.

Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?

They were about ten yards away, coming up the starboard side, when the men suddenly dove off their boat. Nick looked over his shoulder and saw Kate standing behind him with a rocket-propelled grenade launcher resting on her shoulder. It may have been the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.