Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities.

Men! I said. You all a bunch of chauvinist morons Stephanie Plum - Ten Big Ones

I wasn't sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others.

THE NOTE said the first clue was in the big one. I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn't do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.

Stephanie Plum, psycho bait.

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped - Ranger

Sweetie, nothing that flies looks safe, including birds.

I'm underrealized, Lula said. I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons. You expand any more in that dress, and you'll get yourself arrested, Connie said. -- Twelve Sharp

And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.

Yeah, but I want to take a look at your little peashooter. It's kinda cute. It's a gun, Brenda said. Lula pulled her Glock out of her bag and aimed it at Brenda. Bitch, this is a gun. It could put a hole in you big enough to drive a truck through.

This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe. Ranger

Diesel is back, Ranger said. Yes. How did you know? I woke uo with a migraine this morning, Ranger said.

Calories don't count if they're connected to a celbration. Everyone knows this.

You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?" "Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?" "The baptismal font?" "That's it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking." "Brilliant," I said to Lula. She tapped her head with her finger. "No grass growin' here.

Kate prefers a loaded gun next to her bed. Is that all? Jake asked Kate. Where's your hand grenade? I don't have a hand grenade. What happened to the one I gave you for Christmas? I forgot about that, she said. I guess it's around the apartment somewhere. You lost a hand grenade in your apartment? Nick said. Next time I visit I'll be more careful.

Cripes, I can't keep up on this political correct shit. I don't even know what to call myself. One minute I'm black. Then I'm African American. Then I'm a person of color. Who the hell makes these rules up, anyhow?

you see what I'm saying? Mooner said. Something else always comes along. You go to jail, you don't have to worry about anything. No rent to pay. No food bill to sweat. Free dental plan. And that's worth something, dude.You don't wnat to stick your nose up at free dental.

I was completely out of clean clothes. That meant I could be a slut and sleep naked , or I could be a slob and sleep in what I was wearing. Truth is, I'm not entirely comfortable sleeping naked. I do it from time to time, but I worry that God might be watching or that my mother might find out, and I'm pretty sure they both think nice girls should wear pyjamas to bed.

Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.

Holy bejeezus," Lula said, eyes bugged out, looking at the building. "This is scaring the crap out of me. This is like where Dracula would live if he didn't have any money and was a crack-head. I bet it's filled with rabid bats and killer snakes and hairy spiders as big as dinner plated.

I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.

Amen Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. I thought you were Baptist. Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.

Stop the planet. I want to get off.