Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I don't know much about cars, Joyce said, but I think someone took my engine.

About that proposal, cupcake... Morelli

You should see me work my magic in leather Ranger

Pete- What does a woman want out of marriage? Louisa- Undying devotion and a warm place to put her cold feet when she gets into bed at night.

I was going to go to church, but I decided to get doughnuts instead.

I was driving by, doing a security check... and I smelled leg of lamb. Morelli

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco

My mother drove back to the intersection. Who are you dating? Don't ask, I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.

There are some men who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever.

He doesn't look very smart," Diesel said. "He's not even giving me the finger." "Can monkey's do that?" Hal asked. Carl gave him the finger. "Cool!" Hal said.

I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. "I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look," Morelli said. "It's floor," I told him. "I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.

Saved by the grandma Ranger

Were really screwed up, aren't we? In a very large way.

He's going to jail. He can't see. He can't hear. He can't take a leak that lasts under fifteen minutes. But he has an erection and all the other problems are small change. Next time around I'm coming back as a man. Priorities are clearly defined. Life is simple.

It wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight. - Stephanie Plum

As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. That's a rocket launcher! Yep, Lula said. It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.

My mother had been slicing up the chicken. She took a drumstick and dropped it on the floor. She kicked it around a little, picked it up and put it on the edge of the plate. There, she said, we'll give him this drumstick. Deal.

That's one of the things I like about Mary Lou. She's willing to believe the worst about anyone.

life is a jelly donut. You don't really know what it's about till you bite into it. And then, just when you decide it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best t-shirt.

Hey, Lula said to Ranger's man.You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don't need plaster in it. Next time just shoot a hole is this punk-ass loser, will you?

Sorry about Bender, Lula said, letting the Trans Am idle at the curb. Maybe we could tell Vinnie he died. We could say we were all set to bring Bender in, and he died. Bang. Dead as a doorknob. Better yet, why don't we just go back and kill him, I said. I opened the door to leave, caught my toe in the floor mat, and fell out of the car, face first. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the stars. I'm fine, I said to Lula. Maybe I'll sleep here tonight.

And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus. And the Virgin Mary. And Ozzy Osbourne.

Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. I gotta get me a pair if those, she said, eyeballing my shorts. I've still got pretty good legs, you know. She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things? Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.

Do you have someone watching her house?" (Stephanie) "That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We're so underbudgeted we're one step away from holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)