Quotes from Janet Evanovich

What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked.

I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic … it's a multifaceted experience.

It's the twenty-first century," I told Tank. "Women drive." "Only in my bed," Tank said. "Never in my car." I didn't have a reply to that, but I thought it sounded like an okay philosophy. So I beeped the Escape locked, got into Tank's SUV, and we chugged off for my place.

You made the paper again, Grandma said. And the phone's been ringing off the hook. Your mother's in the kitchen, ironing. My mother always irons during times of disaster. Some people drink, some take drugs. My mother irons.

We could track down a gang guy wanted for armed robbery and assault." "That sounds like a lot of fun, but I might have to pass on account of I don't want to die right now." "We could visit some of Sunny's relatives and ask if he's staying with them." "Ditto for the above reason.

Hey," I said, "dogs are people, too.

He shouldn't have shot Tiki," Logan said. "Hawaiian gods get even. Did you see what Tiki did to his foot? It flew right off his leg when you kicked it!

Instead, I yelled at him. "You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.

Mañoso grinned. "This is gonna be fun. This here's gonna be like Professor Higgins and Eliza Doolittle Does Trenton.

OKAY, SO HERE'S the thing. My mother's worst fear has come true. I'm a nymphomaniac. I lust after a lot of men. Of course, maybe that's because I don't actually actually have sex with any. And some of my lustings probably aren't

Ranger was probably riding the wind, looking for the guy. And any well-adjusted person would walk away and let Ranger do his thing. Unfortunately, I wasn't that well adjusted.

You were worried about me?" "No," Hal said. "I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you.

Besides, there's nobody who is going to watch your back better than me. You know that. And that's why I'm going to be there with you, whenever there is, whenever you ask, and as long as I'm able, he said. It's what fathers do. Most father's don't show up with hand grenades and bowie knives. They should be ashamed of themselves, Jake said.

Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We're simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We're like that catfish with lungs.

I sent Hal and Rafael to keep an eye on you, and I went to check on a commercial account in Whitehorse. Rafael called to tell me Lula went in with a rocket launcher, so I skipped Whitehorse. I pulled into the lot seconds before you destroyed Billings Foods.

This is a bad idea," Lula said to me. "My nipples are all shrunk up and trying to hide inside my body. It's like what men's gonads do when someone comes at them with a butcher knife. Those suckers abandon ship and there's nothing left but an empty nut sack. Not that I know firsthand. I'm just sayin' what I hear.

I don't exactly date, but I sort of have a boyfriend." "What does sort of mean?" "It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don't say it out loud.

He wrapped his hand around my wrist, pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss was warm and short.

Dude," Diesel said. "That's no way to get dessert." Carl snapped to attention. "Eep?" "Cookies," I told him. Carl jumped onto his booster seat, sat ramrod straight, and folded his hands on the table. He was a good monkey. I gave him a cookie, and he shoved it into his mouth. "Manners," Diesel said to him. Carl spit the cookie out onto the table, picked it up, and carefully nibbled at it.

I thought you didn't drink coffee, I said to Ranger. What about your body being a temple? He sipped at the coffee. It's my disguise. It goes with the haircut. Will you let your hair grow back? Probably. And then you'll stop drinking coffee? You ask a lot of questions, Ranger said. Just trying to figure this out.

put the lid back on the cookie jar. At this time of the day the traffic would be horrible getting to Dick's. And did I really want to shoot someone? No. So, what was the point in getting bullets? If I felt like I needed bullets tomorrow, I'd have Lula get some for me. They sold ammo at her hair salon.

Will you promise to pick up after yourself?" "No, but I'll hire a cleaning lady.

Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.

Ranger's lips swept along my jawline to my ear. "I could make you forget the gown.